two days in hell

Day One was supposed to be CD 1 in a new cycle: Last month I had them.  I woke up on 10DPO and my temperature had dropped.  Like, off a cliff.  Plus I had cramps.  I knew that witch, AF, was on her way.   I was devastated.

But AF didn't show up all day at work: So I was hopeful.  Thinking:
1) I usually get my period by now! (but, maybe the supplements are finally helping)
2) Maybe the temp dip was a fluke (I did dip 2x with my BFP in 2008)

Maybe too hopeful because: I was devastated again on 11DPO when I woke up with the same, low low temp.  Surely that was NOT GOOD.  Progesterone was NO LONGER being invoked to sustain a pregnancy.  Come on, lady, figure it out!

But all day long - no period.  Until later that night.  Thankfully I was home and could drink a glass (bottle) of wine to ease my sadness.

Today's nonsense: I had slight cramps all yesterday and last night - I've no positive pregnancy tests (though lots were taken) - and, yup, my temp dropped.  But I'm an idiot and since ~10am I've been talking myself into thinking that (maybe, just maybe) I might not be getting my period because: 
1) I hadn't pooped (sorry - TMI) since Friday morning - it's now Monday.  Once I pooped the cramps went away (poop cramps, what a concept!)
2) My temp didn't drop AS MUCH as last month - only 1/2 the way to the coverline
3) I had a bit of nausea this morning (wishful thinking?)
4) It's almost 2:30pm and still no AF

Tomorrow will be day 2 of this insanity: Unless I get my period today.  I will be looking at another temp drop and more reasons why all these symptoms are NOT my period coming.   At least I have a somewhat short LP phase so I don't have to have this drag on for an entire 2 weeks.  I don't know how those ladies do it.

How to stay sane: Reminding myself how much day care costs. . . what Andy is like when he throws a tantrum, how much I hated being pregnant, how I lost my mind when Andy was a newborn, how long it took me to lose the weight. . .

But. . . . who said I'm sane: You would think that having a wonderful happy toddler is enough - but it just opens your heart for even more love.  It makes you selfish, too.  Greedy for more of that magic.