I've always found the fall depressing.

Why? I love the heat, the sunny days of spring and summer.  I hate the cold and wind and rain.  I hate all the plants and flowers dying, I hate the leaves falling off the trees.  Now I've got this nonsense to contend with.

Status: waiting to test:  So here I am, 4DPO after ovulation.  I wasn't sure when the chart would tell me it happened again and was worried that, like the past few times, I didn't get busy on O date (shouldn't matter - but if I have a hostile uterus - those sperm don't have a lot of time to hangout and wait).

I've erratic and high temps pre-O, possibly due to a cold. I've got low temps post-O. . .and I think that's due to the Luteal Phase defect (or a defective egg, or a defective Corpus Luteum etc etc).

Oh the drugs, the drugs: I'm not sure Soy is helping me - but won't know until I try a cycle w/o to see if I go back to a long cycle.  It sure does give me some serious zits, though.  My fingers feel greasy, for christs sake.

I'm doubling up on B6 to try to help fight possible low-progesterone and (as I am prone to do) just impulse shopped some Vitex after a few recommends.  Of course, most people say it takes a while for Vitex to kick in, but I'll try anything now.

But not that Drug: Anything but Clomid.

Are you sure, Mrs. O'Malley: I actually, maybe, possibly think that there is a chance that I want to try it - and might (maybe) resent the promise I made to my husband not to.  Is it that I've just lost perspective?  I REALLY don't want twins either (One kid makes me nuts, what would three do?  Also - I'm practically broke as it is).  I don't - I think it could break me.

What happened in September: Last cycle was rough.  I really thought we'd conceived while we were on vacation at the beach.  I really really did.  Then my temps dropped and I was crushed.  Even worse - my period didn't come until 2 days after they dropped.  It was a 48 hour head-game where I kept thinking "give up hope" and then "wait, maybe not. . .".

What's happening in October: I have bad feelings about this cycle. . .and then I wonder if I think I'm not pregnant just so that I'll be pregnant to spite myself.  I hope I am.  But how can I tell that I want a baby for me, for my son, for my husband - and not because it's become this THING that I'm not able to do? 

3 more cycles until I get to go to the doctor and they can tell me I'm too old for this horses#!t.